


Execution Attempt 263

by Arasinyah



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mainly humour though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:33:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arasinyah/pseuds/Arasinyah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the Norns, why was Loki so damned hard to kill!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Execution Attempt 263

Loki crossed his fingers and toes hoping that when he opened his eyes he would be in Helheim. He knew he probably wouldn't given that he could feel his extremities but still, a god could hope.

He opened his eyes, hope alight in them only for it to die soon after.

He was alive.

"Damn."

Well, at least it couldn't get any worse.

"Brother!" The blond idiot said from next to him and he cursed himself for thinking too soon.

"Ah fuck."

* * *

 

"Reindeer Games you're alive! I was hoping you were dead." Tony Stark said excitedly when the God of Mischief walked out of the guest room he had been assigned and entered the living room, Thor following close behind.

Pepper was not happy to see Loki wearing her favourite green robe. She would be even less happy if she realised that Tony thought that Loki's legs looked better in it than hers but when Tony's eyes wandered over Loki's calves she guessed something of the sort and with a huff and a roll of eyes she left the boys there.

"Join the club." The brunet god said and settled himself on a plush chair throwing his head back over the back of the armchair in a dramatic fashion. "I don't suppose you've come up with a way to carry out my execution yet?"

Everyone knew that SHIELD was still looking into a way to kill Loki. Thor had protested, especially when they had told him to detail how the Aesir carried out executions on Jotunn before finally admitting that none of the usual methods worked on Loki. They had all been tested and tried, when not even decapitation had worked, the best killers in all of the nine realms had given up. If the Void hadn't been enough to kill him then he was as close to immortal as they got really and with that admission Asgard grieved their failure with a feast.

And it wasn't like Loki wasn't doing his best to help, truly he was. He'd gotten stabbed in the chest for Thor and come out alive, been found by the Chitauri and tortured and come out alive. He'd even taken up sparring with the Hulk, breaking all his bones only to be in perfect health not fifteen minutes later.

Odin had even tried to bind his magic only to have the spell backfire and was now unable to use Seidr at all. Frigga had been glad for this because it meant no more lengthy Odinsleeps that she had to watch over. That had been getting really boring although the Midgardian magazines that Thor had brought for her made for decent entertainment.

"You're surprisingly hard to kill."

"I know, I've tried remember."

The first time they'd heard that sob story everyone had been somewhat sympathetic. Bruce had shed many tears and Loki and the Hulk had then spent hours getting drunk and recounting the various 'Monster' incidents in their life.

Then Tony had joined them and with their forces combined they arranged for their drunken version of 'Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me' to be blared over the speakers of the helicarrier every time Fury came onto the deck. SHIELD's efforts at finding a way to kill Loki had doubled soon after.

"You think maybe watching late night telly will help kill me?" Loki inquired of the inventor.

"It'll help kill your brain cells." Tony shrugged. "Might as well try."

And try Loki did, he continued watching even when the exuberant man on the screen began talking even faster.

_"…Order it now and it's delivered free of shipping costs! That's right, people, this is a limited offer and-"_

No, no one could say that Loki didn't try but Tony was still not that happy to see a charge for an express delivered WonderMop! on his credit card. Still, it came in useful when they had to clean up all the blood from Execution Attempt #264.


End file.
